My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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