I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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