I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
