we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
