either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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