Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
