I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
