i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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