Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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