How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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