I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
