you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
