I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
