true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
