Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
