I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
