he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
