Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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