I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
