i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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