i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
