i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
