my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
