party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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