Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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