you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
