the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize