Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
