In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
