So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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