I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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