office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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