if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
