Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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