Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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