Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
