If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
