fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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