i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
