I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
