I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
