are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize