if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
