YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
