my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
