just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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