Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
