dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
