areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
