His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
