Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
