Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
