So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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