I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
