lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
