Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I understand Curling. That high.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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