I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i will never coherently bang her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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