Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
