no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
