you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
