how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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