Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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