Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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