Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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