Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
