Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
