I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
