He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize