Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
