New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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