Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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