my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
