meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You may now shotgun with the bride
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
